I’d love to hear from you! What’s a go-to framework that you rely on? (And, if you’re a fan of the three-word method, please dish: what are your three words?)
I do really like James Clear's approach of thinking about the type of person you want to become and how that person would behave. It's advice that kids/teens understand too. Very intrigued by the 3 word method for choosing clothes - I had not heard of it! My current 3 words are: comfort, comfort, comfort. 🤣
I love it too! It's resonating with me right now as I try to kick-start some positive habits that have recently fallen by the wayside.
Your three words are more relatable to me than you can know (which is why I loved the joggers/sweatpants you linked to recently!). My first word is "relaxed" for that very reason! 😜
Thanks for this Maddie...thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story about your mother.
I want to plan, plan, plan...optimize, optimize, optimize...but at the cost of missing out on the beauty of life now with my wife and daughters.
Planning and optimizing certainly has its place, but it's when I get into the realm of OVER-planning and OVER-optimizing that starts to actually work against me.
I so appreciate your comment, Jordan—sounds like we have a lot of the same inclinations! But it's also very obvious that you've got your big-picture priorities straight. 🙂
This may or may not be relevant. I read a lot of sci-fi and fantasy as a youth. Including Conan the Barbarian. At a few points, he woke up in a cell. The self assessment went like this: I'm not bleeding from an artery, my neck isn't broken, I'm not seriously bleeding, I'm not blinded, no major bone breaks, no moderate bleeding, I'm not starved or seriously dehydrated, on and on.
An honest self assessment and a list of what is ok. Used this with many people in distress and as silly as it is, had about 80% of folks come back and said it really helped to build a list of what is actually ok, which helped them build what I would call a framework of strength.
Bill, I absolutely love the "honest self-assessment" framework, and am so glad you introduced it here—it's relevant, indeed!
As an anxious person (I'm sure many other readers can relate), it's particularly valuable to have a concrete check-in with yourself about what's working. Often, there's a lot more that's working properly than we give ourselves credit for.
I too, love a good framework! You can't be a marketer without sitting in a meeting brainstorming framework ideas and thinking up terms beyond "framework" for the headline 😉 Unsurprisingly, mine is Write, Life, Balance—I would even go so far to call it a mantra to remind myself that my priorities are complementary, not conflicting to one another.
Note that I constantly reference yours when interviewing other people (Literally have to stop myself from interjecting, "OMG that sounds like self-advocacy!) so I'd say your framework has definitely infiltrated my brain!
Oh my gosh, "write, life, balance" is *absolutely* a framework—and an excellent one at that! (This is why I adore the comment section: being reminded of so many wonderful examples that help expand my own thinking. 🤗)
I'm so happy to know that my dealing-with-uncertainty framework (it needs a catchier name) has resonated—and I literally LOL'ed at your description of marketing brainstorming meetings.
I will be ruminating on a better name for your framework! Better use of my time than for another marketing mental model masquerading as a sales funnel 💁🏻♀️
Frameworks must be some principles? Of course, we have lots of layers of frameworks, both that we did, and that we did not choose. The deeper ones might be causing uneasiness, so should we put a framework on top of them to paper over that discontent?
A deeper “rule” might be that I have to look stylish and follow the trends, maybe be a leader. Or I can stay back with tradition and practicality, and not have to find the right “Ripped Jeans”. I can just dress cleanly and smartly, but not copy the latest. (When I had ripped jeans, I patched them?? They lasted for years of hard use.)
I liked these ones:
✓Choose enlargement over happiness. (But enlargement is happiness.)
✓The benefits of structure while preserving the upsides of uncertainty. (For your daily discovery.)
✓They address the anxiety-producing aspects of the unknown without quashing its blessings: mystery, discovery, surprise, creativity, possibility.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and takeaways! You make a great point about the subconscious, sometimes maladaptive frameworks that we carry with us, but that we haven't explicitly chosen for ourselves. Those ones certainly need to be examined, not papered over!
Hi Maddie Burton: and thanks for the acknowledgement. I am just trying to be observant.
Identity seems to be attached to the given, what you notice of me. Therefore all betterment may be seen as an "add-on", something I can go out and get. Such as adding a new framework, but not discarding an old one if it doesn't work for me. Or maybe it is just obsolete.
In other words, it may feel "funny", and it surely is uncomfortable, to do what looks like deconstructing part of my (assumed) identity. If there is such an inconsistency lurking under there, it is working no matter what I put on top of it.
But approaching identity isn't going to get many viewers in this add-on culture. And there are really no tips. You have to look for yourself, and make your own determinations. I think that can only be done through personal experiments.
Thanks for including me in this Maddie :) I am currently reading a book about the art of persuasion for my full time job. He argues the most important part of persuasion is "controlling the frame". You have to set up a framwork in order to guide the human brain's comfort zone. Really interesting! It's called "Pitch Anything" by Oren Klaff.
Thank *you* for offering such a great travel framework. I was away from home this weekend, and enjoyed taking it for a spin! Sour cherry pastry FTW 🤩
The Oren Klaff book sounds fascinating! And your comment is a welcome reminder of the power that frameworks wield when someone is trying to win our heart and mind in business, politics, or just about anywhere else.
I suppose my framework is being present. I've reduced my wardrobe to a capsule/uniform situation, and now I can plan out the week whilst brushing my teeth on Sunday nights. If I am present with my money, I panic less. Sure, sometimes I have to remind myself that savings is actually for unexpected expenses (even though I can't stand drawing from it...it took me so long to build it! LOL). If I want to buy something, I ask myself is it a true need or a boredom want? I let the boredom wants linger in my cart, then move to a "love" or a "later", so it's not really gone, it's just not being purchased at the moment (or maybe ever, shhh). The one thing I don't really frame is when friends and I go out to dinner. That is a joy, a celebration and all bets are off. Sometimes, it's a modest meal. Others, it's an indulgence. But, mostly, it's laughter. And that's what I'm present for. Fabulous post, Maddie. As always. xo
I think that “If we laughed a lot, it was an amazing dinner” is the best framework I’ve heard all day. 🥰 And I totally agree with you on the power of the 72-hour rule: leave it in your cart for a few days and see if it still beckons. I use that one all the time!
I love hearing your wisdom (per usual) about how this topic shows up in your own life. And now I’m wildly curious about your chosen uniform! 👀
LOL. Jeans and t-shirts. White jeans (some black, some dark rinse), long-sleeved, boat-necked tees (and turtle necks for this time of year) and blazers. I love living in LA, because that is somehow office appropriate. And thanks for your kind words, doll. Your wisdom shines. xo
I absolutely loved this nuanced take on frameworks Maddie - great one! I'm a huge fan of Atomic Habits, but personally found the "identity change" thing a bit weak... I wrote about it on my post yesterday (https://zantafakari.substack.com/p/how-to-tame-your-impulsive-behaviour). Whilst I find his work amazing at helping us build new habits, I don't know if it's as effective at eliminating bad ones (I've had less success on that front). I think you'll also like Max Goodbird's take on things in the comments - he made some interesting points too. Let me know what you think!
Love that we both touched on this topic around the same time, Zan! Your conversation with Max was a very interesting one. 🤗
Rebecca's comment in this thread sums up my own feelings: that I find it more helpful to label frameworks as subjectively "useful or not useful" to me rather than objectively "good or bad." That said, I'd agree with your distinction that the identity-shift framework has usually worked better for me when adding new habits as opposed to breaking existing ones. And while I've learned that imposing restriction is quite harmful in certain areas of my life (like food choices!), it serves a useful purpose in areas where I genuinely need to learn to sit with my discomfort (like when I limit my social media/Internet usage).
Brad Stulberg also writes compellingly about resistance and suffering in Master of Change, which is worth a read if you haven't picked it up yet!
Ooh, you're in for a treat! Brad might be my favorite author to turn to for thoughtful frameworks. (One of his other books, The Practice of Groundedness, has *really* stuck with me in that regard.)
Not to be presumptuous, but I'm 99% sure that one of your words is "glamour"! 🤩 After trying on approximately 1,408 pairs, I ended up with Madewell's curvy '90s straight jeans. I feel one tiiiiny step closer to fashionable!
Ok, but what jeans did you end up with??? J/K...but no seriously, I need to know.
Frameworks are the best. One of my favorite insights about them is a framework is neither good nor bad, it's either useful or not useful. I love neutralizing them with this mindset. Use what works, don't use what doesn't.
I'm not being dramatic when I say that without Madewell's curvy petite denim fit, I probably wouldn't own any jeans. Their '90s straight jean ended up being wide-leg on me, and I'm obsessed with how comfortable that pair is!
The "useful or not useful" perspective is great—totally removes the weird sense of morality that comes with thinking of things as "good or bad." Also, not to get too meta, but: one of the reasons I love your newsletter so much is that it helps organize my thinking...about organizing!
I too am not on Tik Tok so missed this three word method framework, but I love the idea. Especially as I seem to be allergic to planning now. So instead of drifting aimlessly I’m going to think of this framework idea. Great way to meet somewhere in between drifting and planning.
P.s. my husbands bucket list wish was to go and see the segrada familia. I recognized the photo right away. Isn’t it an amazing cathedral?
Kim, the planning allergy must be contagious! 😅 I'm delighted to know that this helped give you a third option somewhere between drifting and planning, should you ever need one. (Drifting certainly has its pleasures, too!)
How amazing that you and your husband got to enjoy that (amazing) bucket-list item together. I totally agree...I was *completely* overwhelmed by its beauty!
You happened to name my favorite framework in the article (thank you!) so I'll have to choose another one...hmmm....I really like Occam's Razor. As a hypochondriac, it comes in handy.
It also reminds me of this mental models list I geeked out on several years ago. There are a lot of good ones on here:
I loved that newsletter of yours—obviously, it really stuck with me! I totally agree that Occam's razor is a fabulous framework for literally any anxious person (🙋♀️), and your comment is a reminder for me to read the incredible content at Farnam Street more often.
For my wardrobe planning I'm currently trialling not buying anything new, AND wearing a different combo of items daily. So my structure pushes me to wear a variety from within a limited number of items. It's been the right structure to propel me out of the slump of the same hoodie and jeans every day whilst clearing my mother's very cluttered home after her sudden passing in the autumn
Rachel, I'm so sorry for your loss—and I'm sending you strength as you work through one of the hardest tasks imaginable. ❤️ (Frankly, I'm *just* emerging from a hoodie-and-sweatpant haze almost a year after tackling the same task, so I'm totally inspired by you.)
Your framework reminds me of the capsule wardrobe and "30 for 30" approaches I've always wanted to try—and most importantly, it sounds like the perfect, gentle nudge toward feeling more like yourself.
Because I am a solo mom by choice who talks about alternative families in a podcast and newsletter, people often ask my advice for how to select a sperm or egg donor. I usually describe the "values" you have and the "qualities" you want your future child to have. I actually like using the concept of a "framework" when thinking about making a decision of this magnitude. Thank you
Julia, what a great application of this concept! Especially because being clear about your values is inextricably linked to choosing the best framework for the problem or challenge at hand.
Really appreciate this example + food for thought.
I’d love to hear from you! What’s a go-to framework that you rely on? (And, if you’re a fan of the three-word method, please dish: what are your three words?)
I do really like James Clear's approach of thinking about the type of person you want to become and how that person would behave. It's advice that kids/teens understand too. Very intrigued by the 3 word method for choosing clothes - I had not heard of it! My current 3 words are: comfort, comfort, comfort. 🤣
I love it too! It's resonating with me right now as I try to kick-start some positive habits that have recently fallen by the wayside.
Your three words are more relatable to me than you can know (which is why I loved the joggers/sweatpants you linked to recently!). My first word is "relaxed" for that very reason! 😜
Thanks for this Maddie...thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story about your mother.
I want to plan, plan, plan...optimize, optimize, optimize...but at the cost of missing out on the beauty of life now with my wife and daughters.
Planning and optimizing certainly has its place, but it's when I get into the realm of OVER-planning and OVER-optimizing that starts to actually work against me.
I so appreciate your comment, Jordan—sounds like we have a lot of the same inclinations! But it's also very obvious that you've got your big-picture priorities straight. 🙂
This may or may not be relevant. I read a lot of sci-fi and fantasy as a youth. Including Conan the Barbarian. At a few points, he woke up in a cell. The self assessment went like this: I'm not bleeding from an artery, my neck isn't broken, I'm not seriously bleeding, I'm not blinded, no major bone breaks, no moderate bleeding, I'm not starved or seriously dehydrated, on and on.
An honest self assessment and a list of what is ok. Used this with many people in distress and as silly as it is, had about 80% of folks come back and said it really helped to build a list of what is actually ok, which helped them build what I would call a framework of strength.
Bill, I absolutely love the "honest self-assessment" framework, and am so glad you introduced it here—it's relevant, indeed!
As an anxious person (I'm sure many other readers can relate), it's particularly valuable to have a concrete check-in with yourself about what's working. Often, there's a lot more that's working properly than we give ourselves credit for.
I too, love a good framework! You can't be a marketer without sitting in a meeting brainstorming framework ideas and thinking up terms beyond "framework" for the headline 😉 Unsurprisingly, mine is Write, Life, Balance—I would even go so far to call it a mantra to remind myself that my priorities are complementary, not conflicting to one another.
Note that I constantly reference yours when interviewing other people (Literally have to stop myself from interjecting, "OMG that sounds like self-advocacy!) so I'd say your framework has definitely infiltrated my brain!
Oh my gosh, "write, life, balance" is *absolutely* a framework—and an excellent one at that! (This is why I adore the comment section: being reminded of so many wonderful examples that help expand my own thinking. 🤗)
I'm so happy to know that my dealing-with-uncertainty framework (it needs a catchier name) has resonated—and I literally LOL'ed at your description of marketing brainstorming meetings.
I will be ruminating on a better name for your framework! Better use of my time than for another marketing mental model masquerading as a sales funnel 💁🏻♀️
You win the trophy for "most comments that make me snort-laugh" 😂 Your expertise would be *greatly* appreciated, my friend!!
Frameworks must be some principles? Of course, we have lots of layers of frameworks, both that we did, and that we did not choose. The deeper ones might be causing uneasiness, so should we put a framework on top of them to paper over that discontent?
A deeper “rule” might be that I have to look stylish and follow the trends, maybe be a leader. Or I can stay back with tradition and practicality, and not have to find the right “Ripped Jeans”. I can just dress cleanly and smartly, but not copy the latest. (When I had ripped jeans, I patched them?? They lasted for years of hard use.)
I liked these ones:
✓Choose enlargement over happiness. (But enlargement is happiness.)
✓The benefits of structure while preserving the upsides of uncertainty. (For your daily discovery.)
✓They address the anxiety-producing aspects of the unknown without quashing its blessings: mystery, discovery, surprise, creativity, possibility.
Lots of good ideas.
.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and takeaways! You make a great point about the subconscious, sometimes maladaptive frameworks that we carry with us, but that we haven't explicitly chosen for ourselves. Those ones certainly need to be examined, not papered over!
Hi Maddie Burton: and thanks for the acknowledgement. I am just trying to be observant.
Identity seems to be attached to the given, what you notice of me. Therefore all betterment may be seen as an "add-on", something I can go out and get. Such as adding a new framework, but not discarding an old one if it doesn't work for me. Or maybe it is just obsolete.
In other words, it may feel "funny", and it surely is uncomfortable, to do what looks like deconstructing part of my (assumed) identity. If there is such an inconsistency lurking under there, it is working no matter what I put on top of it.
But approaching identity isn't going to get many viewers in this add-on culture. And there are really no tips. You have to look for yourself, and make your own determinations. I think that can only be done through personal experiments.
.
Absolutely agree about the power of experimentation! 🙌
Thanks for including me in this Maddie :) I am currently reading a book about the art of persuasion for my full time job. He argues the most important part of persuasion is "controlling the frame". You have to set up a framwork in order to guide the human brain's comfort zone. Really interesting! It's called "Pitch Anything" by Oren Klaff.
Thank *you* for offering such a great travel framework. I was away from home this weekend, and enjoyed taking it for a spin! Sour cherry pastry FTW 🤩
The Oren Klaff book sounds fascinating! And your comment is a welcome reminder of the power that frameworks wield when someone is trying to win our heart and mind in business, politics, or just about anywhere else.
I suppose my framework is being present. I've reduced my wardrobe to a capsule/uniform situation, and now I can plan out the week whilst brushing my teeth on Sunday nights. If I am present with my money, I panic less. Sure, sometimes I have to remind myself that savings is actually for unexpected expenses (even though I can't stand drawing from it...it took me so long to build it! LOL). If I want to buy something, I ask myself is it a true need or a boredom want? I let the boredom wants linger in my cart, then move to a "love" or a "later", so it's not really gone, it's just not being purchased at the moment (or maybe ever, shhh). The one thing I don't really frame is when friends and I go out to dinner. That is a joy, a celebration and all bets are off. Sometimes, it's a modest meal. Others, it's an indulgence. But, mostly, it's laughter. And that's what I'm present for. Fabulous post, Maddie. As always. xo
I think that “If we laughed a lot, it was an amazing dinner” is the best framework I’ve heard all day. 🥰 And I totally agree with you on the power of the 72-hour rule: leave it in your cart for a few days and see if it still beckons. I use that one all the time!
I love hearing your wisdom (per usual) about how this topic shows up in your own life. And now I’m wildly curious about your chosen uniform! 👀
LOL. Jeans and t-shirts. White jeans (some black, some dark rinse), long-sleeved, boat-necked tees (and turtle necks for this time of year) and blazers. I love living in LA, because that is somehow office appropriate. And thanks for your kind words, doll. Your wisdom shines. xo
Ooh—I *love* a good Audrey Hepburn boatneck top moment! 😍
I live for boatnecks and three-quarter sleeves. LOL. xo
I absolutely loved this nuanced take on frameworks Maddie - great one! I'm a huge fan of Atomic Habits, but personally found the "identity change" thing a bit weak... I wrote about it on my post yesterday (https://zantafakari.substack.com/p/how-to-tame-your-impulsive-behaviour). Whilst I find his work amazing at helping us build new habits, I don't know if it's as effective at eliminating bad ones (I've had less success on that front). I think you'll also like Max Goodbird's take on things in the comments - he made some interesting points too. Let me know what you think!
Love that we both touched on this topic around the same time, Zan! Your conversation with Max was a very interesting one. 🤗
Rebecca's comment in this thread sums up my own feelings: that I find it more helpful to label frameworks as subjectively "useful or not useful" to me rather than objectively "good or bad." That said, I'd agree with your distinction that the identity-shift framework has usually worked better for me when adding new habits as opposed to breaking existing ones. And while I've learned that imposing restriction is quite harmful in certain areas of my life (like food choices!), it serves a useful purpose in areas where I genuinely need to learn to sit with my discomfort (like when I limit my social media/Internet usage).
Brad Stulberg also writes compellingly about resistance and suffering in Master of Change, which is worth a read if you haven't picked it up yet!
Great minds or something, right?!
Yeah I think Rebecca is spot on with the useful/not useful rather than the more dichotomous "good"/"bad".
Oh nice I've never come across Brad Stulberg - but the book is now on my list! Thanks for sharing that with me :)
Ooh, you're in for a treat! Brad might be my favorite author to turn to for thoughtful frameworks. (One of his other books, The Practice of Groundedness, has *really* stuck with me in that regard.)
I love this, Maddie, and your willingness to be vulnerable AND strong AND clear. I’m thinking about 3 words for my wardrobe 🤔 what jeans did you get?
Not to be presumptuous, but I'm 99% sure that one of your words is "glamour"! 🤩 After trying on approximately 1,408 pairs, I ended up with Madewell's curvy '90s straight jeans. I feel one tiiiiny step closer to fashionable!
Excellent choice 👖!!! lol to the “glamour”! (You know me too well!)
Ok, but what jeans did you end up with??? J/K...but no seriously, I need to know.
Frameworks are the best. One of my favorite insights about them is a framework is neither good nor bad, it's either useful or not useful. I love neutralizing them with this mindset. Use what works, don't use what doesn't.
I'm not being dramatic when I say that without Madewell's curvy petite denim fit, I probably wouldn't own any jeans. Their '90s straight jean ended up being wide-leg on me, and I'm obsessed with how comfortable that pair is!
The "useful or not useful" perspective is great—totally removes the weird sense of morality that comes with thinking of things as "good or bad." Also, not to get too meta, but: one of the reasons I love your newsletter so much is that it helps organize my thinking...about organizing!
Ah yes, thank goodness for Madewell! They've ended up being the only jeans I can tolerate in this age of soft vs hard pants.
I too am not on Tik Tok so missed this three word method framework, but I love the idea. Especially as I seem to be allergic to planning now. So instead of drifting aimlessly I’m going to think of this framework idea. Great way to meet somewhere in between drifting and planning.
P.s. my husbands bucket list wish was to go and see the segrada familia. I recognized the photo right away. Isn’t it an amazing cathedral?
Kim, the planning allergy must be contagious! 😅 I'm delighted to know that this helped give you a third option somewhere between drifting and planning, should you ever need one. (Drifting certainly has its pleasures, too!)
How amazing that you and your husband got to enjoy that (amazing) bucket-list item together. I totally agree...I was *completely* overwhelmed by its beauty!
You happened to name my favorite framework in the article (thank you!) so I'll have to choose another one...hmmm....I really like Occam's Razor. As a hypochondriac, it comes in handy.
It also reminds me of this mental models list I geeked out on several years ago. There are a lot of good ones on here:
https://fs.blog/mental-models/
I loved that newsletter of yours—obviously, it really stuck with me! I totally agree that Occam's razor is a fabulous framework for literally any anxious person (🙋♀️), and your comment is a reminder for me to read the incredible content at Farnam Street more often.
For my wardrobe planning I'm currently trialling not buying anything new, AND wearing a different combo of items daily. So my structure pushes me to wear a variety from within a limited number of items. It's been the right structure to propel me out of the slump of the same hoodie and jeans every day whilst clearing my mother's very cluttered home after her sudden passing in the autumn
Rachel, I'm so sorry for your loss—and I'm sending you strength as you work through one of the hardest tasks imaginable. ❤️ (Frankly, I'm *just* emerging from a hoodie-and-sweatpant haze almost a year after tackling the same task, so I'm totally inspired by you.)
Your framework reminds me of the capsule wardrobe and "30 for 30" approaches I've always wanted to try—and most importantly, it sounds like the perfect, gentle nudge toward feeling more like yourself.
Because I am a solo mom by choice who talks about alternative families in a podcast and newsletter, people often ask my advice for how to select a sperm or egg donor. I usually describe the "values" you have and the "qualities" you want your future child to have. I actually like using the concept of a "framework" when thinking about making a decision of this magnitude. Thank you
Julia, what a great application of this concept! Especially because being clear about your values is inextricably linked to choosing the best framework for the problem or challenge at hand.
Really appreciate this example + food for thought.