I'm curious: what did you learn the last time you took time away from work? (“Time away” can mean anything from just a little—a vacation, time off between jobs—to a lot.)
I love that you took time off to grieve. I, too, wish that for everyone. I had to grieve in stolen moments and it definitely prolonged the process.
Maddie. I am so damn proud of you. You're asking yourself the big questions, the questions that change lives, lighten heavy hearts and doing something about it. That takes such courage. The way you have grown through this process has been so beautiful to witness. I've watched you blossom and step into the deepest, truest parts of yourself. I can't wait to see all the incredible things you will do and read all the beautiful sentences you will create.
"I’m closer to my humanity now, and that’s a boon in any line of work." THIS!!! The world needs more people like you!!! I'm so glad you're here.
Wow, Jenovia—this note brought tears to my eyes. I can tell you this: I'll be carrying your words forward and using them as fuel for everything that's ahead! I'm so thankful for your friendship. ❤️
I'm keeping the younger version of you in my heart, too, for all those stolen moments she cobbled together in order to grieve. I wish that had been different, too. Still, it leaves me even more in awe of the compassionate, reflective, powerful person you've become, and all you've built in the process!
I am proud of you Maddie for your growth during this time. One of the joys of my sabbatical -- still ongoing -- has been meeting wonderful people like you. Although my "job" isn't going the way I had hoped, I am enjoying the learning process.
Chris, this means the world to me! It's been such a joy to connect with you—in general, and over our respective writing here, but also as we're both reevaluating our careers and our relationships with work. Cheers to the learning process!
Time away for reflection and renewal is essential for those in grief. Generally, this is pragmatically impossible. It took me a year after retiring to land on my feet again and focus my energies on the things that really matter to me. There is real wisdom in the Jewish way of mourning. Life must go on, but it also requires getting ready to move on from the loss. I think you are ready. Much love.
I'm so touched by your comment. ❤️ It's so interesting to hear your perspective on retirement—a totally different reimagining of one's relationship to work than the one I'm going through, but with quite a few similarities, too.
I'm so grateful for your wisdom, Susan! Sending a big hug your way.
I am so excited for your career transition, Maddie, and I hope you love self-employment! It definitely has its own roller coaster, but it’s also incredible. I wish that it wasn’t such a privilege to have this time to fully grieve and heal because it is life changing.
It’s fascinating that you mention that your life experiences would have made you better at the career that you left because I was thinking about this recently. There are so many financial planners who go through some life experience and then want to help others go through it. I applaud them for that, but there are also some life experiences that I don’t want to relive with every client I work with. For example, I am “uniquely” positioned to do some cross border work, but I want to forget about my own work visa and immigration experience, not relive it with every client I work with. And I also don’t want to advertise that I work with folks in tech, even though a marketing person would probably tell me I should.
Jamie, you're my self-employment role model for sure! If I do half as well as you (in pretty much any way you can measure), I'll be overjoyed.
And thank you for providing such a thoughtful reframe on the "life experiences" piece. I hadn't considered how much it might take out of me to continuously address heavy financial issues that carry these kinds of personal tie-ins! Such a smart perspective.
The words that came to me after reading your beautiful, heart-wrenching and hopeful piece were: bravery, courage and grace. Thank you for sharing your life with us, Maddie. ❤️
Dear Kim, Dear Maddie, two points here stand our for me..... "POIGNANT" - This is my boon too, happens when one is ready, eventually leads to "TURNS OUT" - Deliberately seeking this process. All part of the journey to Fearlessness and peace....
What a beautiful post - Cheers to having the courage to pursue work that is more aligned to the current you - how exciting to be on the cusp of something new!
My mom passed in 2018, somewhat unexpectedly. My dad followed her in 2019. And then the pandemic (of course) led to the end of my corporate job. The way this post resonates (especially now that I’m a freelance copywriter) is uncanny. I could explode with ‘me too’ s and ‘omg it wasn’t just me’s’ for hours, reading this. 💗 (also I live in Ravenswood 😂)
Jennifer, I'm so glad you spoke up about your experience—I almost didn't write this piece, because I wasn't sure how "relatable" it would be. While I'm terribly sorry that you could relate, and so deeply sorry for your own one-two-three punch of loss, I'm really glad this provided "me too" moments. Solidarity! ❤️
Your comment also shows me what might lie ahead career-wise, so thanks for the beacon of hope there. (And: I miss Ravenswood so much!!)
I really appreciate this perspective on what you give up (and may need to repair) when making money is prioritized and life gets unbalanced. I'm so glad you've had this time to rediscover what's most important to you, and properly honor your feelings. ❤️
I've never been able to enjoy time off between jobs, even when I've had a severance package. There had been too many times when there was financial scarcity. I paid attention to that the last time it happened. I wanted to leave. I negotiated the severance. I wasn't worried that I wouldn't get a job quickly (I was concerned I'd get a job I didn't like, though), and, still, that silly money worry would creep in. Can't go anywhere or buy anything or splurge on too many dinners out until a job offer is signed! Super dumb. (Also, it literally pains me to dip into savings for anything. Pretty dumb.) But I loved that you embraced this sabbatical, Maddie, and let it (and you) be exactly what you needed it to be. Inspiring. xo
I really appreciate this comment, Sandra, because I have *always* felt the same way—and honestly, it's taken quite a bit of effort and time (and privilege) this past year for my brain to begin to rewire itself re: scarcity. I've changed a lot of things about my life over the years, but mindset shifts like this are some of the trickiest changes, IMHO.
The time between "Jobs" was always the best bit for me, as it pushed me into self employment every time. Equally stressful and sometime worse. But it was MY stress, not THEIRS; thus easier to amend, fine tine, eradicate.....
I love this so much, Maddie! And we DO count the cats 😉 Relatedly, the last time I took a short break from work was to take off a few days to grieve the loss of my cat. It was my first pet loss and hit me a lot harder than I could have ever imagined, and I learned that 1) I am grateful to work on a team and for a boss who ENCOURAGED me to take the time away and 2) that the pain and tears that come back to me as I write this was so so worth it to have that little guy in my life 🥲
As someone who was totally flattened by the loss of my cat Koko a few years back: I co-sign all of this. Yes to the importance of a boss who recognizes the pain of pet loss and the importance of time away to grieve. And yes to giving yourself the permission to actually do so. I'm so glad that both of these things were true for you...even though I wish your little guy had been immortal.
Your sweet kitty was super lucky to have you as his mom, Maggie ❤️ I know that he and Koko are together somewhere, napping in the sun!
Oh wow this is a very timely read as I’ve just had the conversation with my husband that I’m wanting to take some time off. I’m grieving my inability to have children and it’s knocked me for six after years of infertility and health issues. Thank you for this, it’s reminded me of many things that I needed to be reminded of (but can’t quite articulate) 💚
Oh Sheila, I'm so deeply sorry for the grief you're experiencing—and I'm crossing my fingers that you're able to take the time off that you need. Stepping away from work certainly doesn't change the fundamental nature of loss and grief, but in my experience, anything you can do to create more spaciousness and reduce stress really matters.
I can’t imagine losing my parents and do not look forward to a time when I do. However, I’m deeply intrigued by the 12 month mourning process and what it entails. Maybe fodder for a future post! 💝
Erin, I'm crossing my fingers that your folks live the longest, happiest lives humanly possible! Thank you so much for the kind words ❤️ I still feel like a total newbie when it comes to Jewish traditions, which probably makes me the wrong person to write about them, but I *absolutely* share your fascination here.
we have something similar in hindu culture too! + you're not really supposed to "celebrate" any other traditional hindu holidays for a year after a parent's passing
How lovely to hear about the similarities in Hindu culture! I think this kind of guidance is so helpful in the otherwise structureless aftermath of a loss. Thank you for sharing, Annie!
My condolences for your loss, Maddie. I really admired this: "After a year of experimenting with the details that make up my day, I have the kind of self-knowledge about my preferences that only comes when you remove outside influences."
I took time off after I retired from a long-standing career a couple of years ago. The plan was to stay with my mother and help care for her and also simply enjoy her company. Sadly, it turned out she didn't have too much longer to live. But it was a rich, nourishing experience for me and I was grateful to have those few months. Now I'm back working part-time in a different field (and country) and enjoying that very much.
I so wish that you'd had more time with your mom, Jeffrey—but how important and meaningful that you were there for (and with) her during those last few months. Hearing about your own work transition inspires me...and I'm very happy that you're enjoying Career 2.0!
I'm curious: what did you learn the last time you took time away from work? (“Time away” can mean anything from just a little—a vacation, time off between jobs—to a lot.)
I love that you took time off to grieve. I, too, wish that for everyone. I had to grieve in stolen moments and it definitely prolonged the process.
Maddie. I am so damn proud of you. You're asking yourself the big questions, the questions that change lives, lighten heavy hearts and doing something about it. That takes such courage. The way you have grown through this process has been so beautiful to witness. I've watched you blossom and step into the deepest, truest parts of yourself. I can't wait to see all the incredible things you will do and read all the beautiful sentences you will create.
"I’m closer to my humanity now, and that’s a boon in any line of work." THIS!!! The world needs more people like you!!! I'm so glad you're here.
❤️🔥
Wow, Jenovia—this note brought tears to my eyes. I can tell you this: I'll be carrying your words forward and using them as fuel for everything that's ahead! I'm so thankful for your friendship. ❤️
I'm keeping the younger version of you in my heart, too, for all those stolen moments she cobbled together in order to grieve. I wish that had been different, too. Still, it leaves me even more in awe of the compassionate, reflective, powerful person you've become, and all you've built in the process!
I am proud of you Maddie for your growth during this time. One of the joys of my sabbatical -- still ongoing -- has been meeting wonderful people like you. Although my "job" isn't going the way I had hoped, I am enjoying the learning process.
Chris, this means the world to me! It's been such a joy to connect with you—in general, and over our respective writing here, but also as we're both reevaluating our careers and our relationships with work. Cheers to the learning process!
Time away for reflection and renewal is essential for those in grief. Generally, this is pragmatically impossible. It took me a year after retiring to land on my feet again and focus my energies on the things that really matter to me. There is real wisdom in the Jewish way of mourning. Life must go on, but it also requires getting ready to move on from the loss. I think you are ready. Much love.
I'm so touched by your comment. ❤️ It's so interesting to hear your perspective on retirement—a totally different reimagining of one's relationship to work than the one I'm going through, but with quite a few similarities, too.
I'm so grateful for your wisdom, Susan! Sending a big hug your way.
I am so excited for your career transition, Maddie, and I hope you love self-employment! It definitely has its own roller coaster, but it’s also incredible. I wish that it wasn’t such a privilege to have this time to fully grieve and heal because it is life changing.
It’s fascinating that you mention that your life experiences would have made you better at the career that you left because I was thinking about this recently. There are so many financial planners who go through some life experience and then want to help others go through it. I applaud them for that, but there are also some life experiences that I don’t want to relive with every client I work with. For example, I am “uniquely” positioned to do some cross border work, but I want to forget about my own work visa and immigration experience, not relive it with every client I work with. And I also don’t want to advertise that I work with folks in tech, even though a marketing person would probably tell me I should.
Jamie, you're my self-employment role model for sure! If I do half as well as you (in pretty much any way you can measure), I'll be overjoyed.
And thank you for providing such a thoughtful reframe on the "life experiences" piece. I hadn't considered how much it might take out of me to continuously address heavy financial issues that carry these kinds of personal tie-ins! Such a smart perspective.
The words that came to me after reading your beautiful, heart-wrenching and hopeful piece were: bravery, courage and grace. Thank you for sharing your life with us, Maddie. ❤️
Jolene, my friend, my heart is so full reading this. Thank *you*!
🤗 ❤️
Dear Kim, Dear Maddie, two points here stand our for me..... "POIGNANT" - This is my boon too, happens when one is ready, eventually leads to "TURNS OUT" - Deliberately seeking this process. All part of the journey to Fearlessness and peace....
Beautiful, Maurice. Thank you so much for sharing!
What a beautiful post - Cheers to having the courage to pursue work that is more aligned to the current you - how exciting to be on the cusp of something new!
Eventually one learns to surf the cusp. Even when one takes the odd tumble, the sense of fulfillment brings joy to the infinite journey
Love this visual! 😎🌊
Cheers, indeed! I couldn't have done it without your support, my dear Carolyn. I'm lucky to have you in my corner!
My mom passed in 2018, somewhat unexpectedly. My dad followed her in 2019. And then the pandemic (of course) led to the end of my corporate job. The way this post resonates (especially now that I’m a freelance copywriter) is uncanny. I could explode with ‘me too’ s and ‘omg it wasn’t just me’s’ for hours, reading this. 💗 (also I live in Ravenswood 😂)
Jennifer, I'm so glad you spoke up about your experience—I almost didn't write this piece, because I wasn't sure how "relatable" it would be. While I'm terribly sorry that you could relate, and so deeply sorry for your own one-two-three punch of loss, I'm really glad this provided "me too" moments. Solidarity! ❤️
Your comment also shows me what might lie ahead career-wise, so thanks for the beacon of hope there. (And: I miss Ravenswood so much!!)
I really appreciate this perspective on what you give up (and may need to repair) when making money is prioritized and life gets unbalanced. I'm so glad you've had this time to rediscover what's most important to you, and properly honor your feelings. ❤️
Thank you so much, Amelia! I agree—the Rachel Katz quote I shared on that topic has really stayed with me. Thought-provoking stuff!
Not sure that "giving it up" is the best descriptor, Perhaps "discarding the distraction" (to allow space for the next me) is an alternative concept ?
I've never been able to enjoy time off between jobs, even when I've had a severance package. There had been too many times when there was financial scarcity. I paid attention to that the last time it happened. I wanted to leave. I negotiated the severance. I wasn't worried that I wouldn't get a job quickly (I was concerned I'd get a job I didn't like, though), and, still, that silly money worry would creep in. Can't go anywhere or buy anything or splurge on too many dinners out until a job offer is signed! Super dumb. (Also, it literally pains me to dip into savings for anything. Pretty dumb.) But I loved that you embraced this sabbatical, Maddie, and let it (and you) be exactly what you needed it to be. Inspiring. xo
I really appreciate this comment, Sandra, because I have *always* felt the same way—and honestly, it's taken quite a bit of effort and time (and privilege) this past year for my brain to begin to rewire itself re: scarcity. I've changed a lot of things about my life over the years, but mindset shifts like this are some of the trickiest changes, IMHO.
Word. 😘 xo
The time between "Jobs" was always the best bit for me, as it pushed me into self employment every time. Equally stressful and sometime worse. But it was MY stress, not THEIRS; thus easier to amend, fine tine, eradicate.....
Such a great perspective!
I love this so much, Maddie! And we DO count the cats 😉 Relatedly, the last time I took a short break from work was to take off a few days to grieve the loss of my cat. It was my first pet loss and hit me a lot harder than I could have ever imagined, and I learned that 1) I am grateful to work on a team and for a boss who ENCOURAGED me to take the time away and 2) that the pain and tears that come back to me as I write this was so so worth it to have that little guy in my life 🥲
As someone who was totally flattened by the loss of my cat Koko a few years back: I co-sign all of this. Yes to the importance of a boss who recognizes the pain of pet loss and the importance of time away to grieve. And yes to giving yourself the permission to actually do so. I'm so glad that both of these things were true for you...even though I wish your little guy had been immortal.
Your sweet kitty was super lucky to have you as his mom, Maggie ❤️ I know that he and Koko are together somewhere, napping in the sun!
Oh wow this is a very timely read as I’ve just had the conversation with my husband that I’m wanting to take some time off. I’m grieving my inability to have children and it’s knocked me for six after years of infertility and health issues. Thank you for this, it’s reminded me of many things that I needed to be reminded of (but can’t quite articulate) 💚
Oh Sheila, I'm so deeply sorry for the grief you're experiencing—and I'm crossing my fingers that you're able to take the time off that you need. Stepping away from work certainly doesn't change the fundamental nature of loss and grief, but in my experience, anything you can do to create more spaciousness and reduce stress really matters.
Sending you a big virtual hug ❤️
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I’m so in need of space to process the big emotions without tackling any extra from external sources 💚
I'll be keeping you in my heart—here's hoping you get exactly what you need. 🤞
🤞💚
I can’t imagine losing my parents and do not look forward to a time when I do. However, I’m deeply intrigued by the 12 month mourning process and what it entails. Maybe fodder for a future post! 💝
Erin, I'm crossing my fingers that your folks live the longest, happiest lives humanly possible! Thank you so much for the kind words ❤️ I still feel like a total newbie when it comes to Jewish traditions, which probably makes me the wrong person to write about them, but I *absolutely* share your fascination here.
Best of luck for your newest adventure with self employment! I’ll be cheering for you! 🙌
That means everything—thank you, Erin! 🥹
we have something similar in hindu culture too! + you're not really supposed to "celebrate" any other traditional hindu holidays for a year after a parent's passing
That’s fascinating. I’d love to know more.
How lovely to hear about the similarities in Hindu culture! I think this kind of guidance is so helpful in the otherwise structureless aftermath of a loss. Thank you for sharing, Annie!
The grief never completely disappears, but absorbing it makes us complete...
Wow you have found some treasures in a really hard scenario. I am impressed by you!
Thank you so much, Brenna! I can't wait to hear the wisdom that comes from your own next adventures. 👀
My condolences for your loss, Maddie. I really admired this: "After a year of experimenting with the details that make up my day, I have the kind of self-knowledge about my preferences that only comes when you remove outside influences."
I took time off after I retired from a long-standing career a couple of years ago. The plan was to stay with my mother and help care for her and also simply enjoy her company. Sadly, it turned out she didn't have too much longer to live. But it was a rich, nourishing experience for me and I was grateful to have those few months. Now I'm back working part-time in a different field (and country) and enjoying that very much.
I so wish that you'd had more time with your mom, Jeffrey—but how important and meaningful that you were there for (and with) her during those last few months. Hearing about your own work transition inspires me...and I'm very happy that you're enjoying Career 2.0!
Thank you, Maddie. Yes, it was a meaningful experience indeed.