I think, as women, we are forced to learn to advocate for ourselves, if only to avoid the endless frustration of being female in this world. I remember being 18 and having a bad starter in my car. I would tell the mechanic, "You just need to jump the starter," to which he would say, "No, no. It's not that." I would tell him, yes, it is that and finally said, "Pretend I'm a man while I'm talking to you. I know what's going on with my car. It's the starter." Slightly unsure of how to proceed, he still held his ground. Then I offered, "Just jump the starter. Prove me wrong." The car started, much to his annoyed surprise. "Next time, trust what you're told," I said as I got into my car, mentally giving him the bird. It's even worse when we get into the medical realm, where we REALLY have to speak firmly and assuredly to advocate for ourselves or a loved one when we are scared or stressed (and, yes, I've used "Pretend I'm a man" while talking to more than one medical professional). I'm 54 and still waiting for this $%*@ to change. We do have to get comfortable being in the starring role and asserting ourselves. Also, LOVE 'Of course, only in Hollywood is there any overlap in the Venn diagram of “effective communication” and “arson.”' LOL. You rule, Maddie. xo
Where to start?! So much good stuff here. "We do have to get comfortable being in the starring role and asserting ourselves"—that's a really interesting link between self-advocacy and, more generally, being comfortable taking up space that I hadn't yet made. No wonder self-advocacy is so challenging for me! 😂 #wallflower
And the dynamic of having to step into self-advocacy while scared and stressed (particularly in the medical realm) is another really important, interesting dynamic worth further exploration.
I'm so sorry you've had—and continue to have—experiences like the ones you shared here. All I can say is: you're certainly not alone. I'm remembering more than one salary/title negotiation at work that left me in a similar place. ❤️ In some of those cases, self-advocacy meant knowing when to move on!
This is a really interesting framework for looking at advocacy. I have had to learn on the fly how to self-advocate as my condition has progressed, so I can relate to so much of this. Now I will see advocacy through the lens of Office Space, which should be....interesting. Would the printer be fighting with insurance?
I so appreciate hearing your take on this, because that's another layer of the conversation worth exploring: how the nuances of self-advocacy change over time in an ever-evolving situation.
And while it's been a blessed few years since I had to advocate my way through a paper jam, my best understanding of printers in general (and the Office Space one in particular) would suggest that they'll fight with anything that moves, insurance reps included. 😅
Rex, thank you so much for your note. I really appreciate knowing that this framework resonated with you, especially given your personal experience advocating for both yourself and your dad.
I'm so sorry that you feel as if you failed in your first experience with advocacy; nobody teaches us how to become advocates, and that's a shame, because having to figure it out by trial and error is mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically draining. But I'm so glad that you've become your own "general practitioner," and that you're choosing to write about this topic—because sharing stories, hopefully, allows us to learn from each other, rather than feeling siloed in our most challenging experiences.
I'm wishing you good health and a rewarding writing journey ahead! ❤️
I think, as women, we are forced to learn to advocate for ourselves, if only to avoid the endless frustration of being female in this world. I remember being 18 and having a bad starter in my car. I would tell the mechanic, "You just need to jump the starter," to which he would say, "No, no. It's not that." I would tell him, yes, it is that and finally said, "Pretend I'm a man while I'm talking to you. I know what's going on with my car. It's the starter." Slightly unsure of how to proceed, he still held his ground. Then I offered, "Just jump the starter. Prove me wrong." The car started, much to his annoyed surprise. "Next time, trust what you're told," I said as I got into my car, mentally giving him the bird. It's even worse when we get into the medical realm, where we REALLY have to speak firmly and assuredly to advocate for ourselves or a loved one when we are scared or stressed (and, yes, I've used "Pretend I'm a man" while talking to more than one medical professional). I'm 54 and still waiting for this $%*@ to change. We do have to get comfortable being in the starring role and asserting ourselves. Also, LOVE 'Of course, only in Hollywood is there any overlap in the Venn diagram of “effective communication” and “arson.”' LOL. You rule, Maddie. xo
Where to start?! So much good stuff here. "We do have to get comfortable being in the starring role and asserting ourselves"—that's a really interesting link between self-advocacy and, more generally, being comfortable taking up space that I hadn't yet made. No wonder self-advocacy is so challenging for me! 😂 #wallflower
And the dynamic of having to step into self-advocacy while scared and stressed (particularly in the medical realm) is another really important, interesting dynamic worth further exploration.
I'm so sorry you've had—and continue to have—experiences like the ones you shared here. All I can say is: you're certainly not alone. I'm remembering more than one salary/title negotiation at work that left me in a similar place. ❤️ In some of those cases, self-advocacy meant knowing when to move on!
This is a really interesting framework for looking at advocacy. I have had to learn on the fly how to self-advocate as my condition has progressed, so I can relate to so much of this. Now I will see advocacy through the lens of Office Space, which should be....interesting. Would the printer be fighting with insurance?
I so appreciate hearing your take on this, because that's another layer of the conversation worth exploring: how the nuances of self-advocacy change over time in an ever-evolving situation.
And while it's been a blessed few years since I had to advocate my way through a paper jam, my best understanding of printers in general (and the Office Space one in particular) would suggest that they'll fight with anything that moves, insurance reps included. 😅
Rex, thank you so much for your note. I really appreciate knowing that this framework resonated with you, especially given your personal experience advocating for both yourself and your dad.
I'm so sorry that you feel as if you failed in your first experience with advocacy; nobody teaches us how to become advocates, and that's a shame, because having to figure it out by trial and error is mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically draining. But I'm so glad that you've become your own "general practitioner," and that you're choosing to write about this topic—because sharing stories, hopefully, allows us to learn from each other, rather than feeling siloed in our most challenging experiences.
I'm wishing you good health and a rewarding writing journey ahead! ❤️
Ha! And I'm glad you are 🤗 FWIW, "floundering and thrashing around" = how I learn all of my own life lessons, so you're in good company there.